Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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