he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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