He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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