dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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