I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
