dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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