So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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