this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
