I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
