there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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