How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
