He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I die, sorry about rent.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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