I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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