She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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