It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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