If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
