i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
