Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you just see the Batmobile???
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
