It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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