i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
