Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
