my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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