so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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