she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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