I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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