No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
