Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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