my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do vagina's smell?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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