Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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