i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
