I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
