OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
