so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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