Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
