Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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