My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
