I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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