i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
