She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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