Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
