My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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