It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
