Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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