i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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