Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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