Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
