Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
