so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
