Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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