Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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