I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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