Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
