Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
