My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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