Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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