we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
