I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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