I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize