i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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