Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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