yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
